The Casting Dock

thoughts, words, confusion, clarity. step by step.

Sometimes when I sit down to write, I find I have nothing really to say. Other times I know exactly what I want to write. And occasionally, like today, I have so many things to say–different, disjointed, unrelated things–that I have no idea where to even start. So I will probably start in little pieces, write more often, and be all over the place on any given day for a while. Organize my thoughts, my blog, my life. Find a little contentment and clarity in the process.

I have work updates, holiday updates, travel updates, and general life updates. And then much deeper and much more confusing than all that simple updating and life chronicling, I have this underlying sense swirling about…discontentment? Restlessness? I’m not really sure what it is or where it’s stemming from, but I’ve felt this distinct lack of joy in the last couple months, a departure from my general disposition. So part of me wants to sift through that on here. Process it out.

It’s perplexing to me. I generally have a pretty good feel for myself. I would consider self-awareness one of my greater strengths or more distinct characteristics, and yet I have found myself feeling muted, apathetic, less energized, joyless. And I’m really not sure why. Once I get into all the updates, you’ll see that things are really working out over in the Logan household, and yet my emotions are not consistently matching. Don’t get me wrong–I certainly have energized, fun-loving moments and great days–but there is this underlying shift. I feel less content, less at ease with myself in the quiet moments, less genuinely joyful about my life, even though I know in my rational head that I love my life and am uber blessed. I don’t actually feel that way though. Not the way that I normally would anyway.

So you’ll see a little bit of everything over here on the casting dock in the next few weeks.

But I’ll start simply today with something pleasant and a little more upbeat. My Christmas gift to Jerry this year was a weekend trip to Newport, Rhode Island. We stayed at a neat little B&B, toured the mansions all decorated for Christmas, did a little shopping, strolled along the water, and just enjoyed some quality time together. It was fah-reeeezing and we were struck with our usual B&B breakfast curse (quiche–the ONLY breakfast food that I don’t like and inevitably end up being served every time we stay at a B&B), but it was a really nice spontaneous weekend get-away. Little history-loving Jerome couldn’t get enough of the Vanderbilts and their mansions.

I’ll be back more regularly over the next few weeks with updates–the good, the bad, the ugly. And mostly just sifting through some thoughts, finding some clarity and maybe a little more distinct purpose for this blog. Though the randomness has been fun too…so who knows…

9 comments

1 No he { 01.02.12 at 6:36 pm }

Hang in there Pumpkin…enjoy the moments and let the good Lord sort out the rest.

2 Whit { 01.02.12 at 8:35 pm }

I blame it on the short days and cold… But seriously, you aren’t alone. I look forward to your processing, I’m sure it will be great food for thought and some good perspective, something I’ve been needing in greater quantity lately. And Newport is a gem… But January? Questionable ;)

3 Jer { 01.02.12 at 9:21 pm }

I normally look pretty skinny, but put a hulking mansion in the background and I’m feeling a little self-conscious. I look like a toothpick. A freezing, bespectacled toothpick.

4 Lindsey { 01.02.12 at 9:27 pm }

I’m excited to read lots of posts from you in the upcoming days…the good, the bad and the ugly! Looks like a fun trip to RI – I think the next trip you need to take is to NH!!! :)

5 k&c's mom { 01.02.12 at 10:22 pm }

Noche and I were talking in the Hallowed Halls of School today about…YOU! I loved the Christmas card photos, and love that you call me by my first name now. Blogging is the best source of reflective processing next to Starbucks with friends…in Round Rock. Hang in there, sweet girl.

6 Bryan { 01.03.12 at 1:26 am }

I think you are good at being reflective. That said, perhaps you should join a therapy group for processing emotions, feelings, and trying to understand the why behind the mood. I have heard that group therapy can also improve self esteem by getting neutral opinions in areas where a blind spot my obscure clear vision and also by engendering improved self conception via comparison to the other people in the group. Also groups are known for offering diversion and sometimes a person not in even participating in a group can find the goingson amusing, interesting or shocking. I don’t know too much about it though. Just seems like something you might enjoy with that counselor’s psychoanalytic mind you possess. But who knows.

You went to rhode island? Do you remember that chicken place we went to that time? I swear the most famous chicken place in the us must be in RI. it was like the salt lick of the state but much much bigger than the driftwood setup. This chicken place is legendary. It can feed like 1000 people at a time… Oh man now I’m gonna nafta google rhode island chicken place. I’m sure google knows it, it’s like a really big deal, ya know. Anyway, did ya get a chance to have some chicken?

7 Bryan { 01.03.12 at 1:30 am }

You look cute in hats by the way.

8 Noche { 01.04.12 at 10:06 pm }

Jer…toothpicks are greatly underrated! Personally I’m a big fan!!

9 Mama Logan { 01.10.12 at 11:45 am }

Jerry and Noche – I wish I had more toothpick qualities!! Regardless of whether you look like a toothpick or not, the SMILE is great!!

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