The Casting Dock

the littlest logan: early thoughts along the way

In roughly 4 and 1/2 months Jerome and I will join the parenting club.
My heart races just a little bit even simply typing that.

I can’t say I’ve been solely stoked about the idea since the moment we found out.
It took some warming-up-to time.

I took a pregnancy test on November 6.
Negative.
I took another on November 12.
Positive.
It was surreal; I was shocked.
I thought FOR SURE it would take a while to get pregnant, not a couple weeks.
I’ve heard too many stories, known of too many troubles.
I had gone back and forth on whether I wanted to give it a shot and was swinging back to the “let’s wait a little longer” side when that little double line popped up.

Even though I was shocked and overwhelmed, I was mostly relieved in the moment. Relieved that I could get pregnant, relieved that there weren’t major troubles or years of questions and frustrations.
But I did feel a little, half-legitimately, half for show, that my life was ending. All my freedom and sleep out the window.
More than anything, I think I realized just how selfish I am,
how much I enjoy my own schedule, my own time table, my own control.
Something tells me this whole parenting thing is going to be quite the growing, humbling experience.

While it’s been an evolution for sure, my feelings swung from anxiety to excitement
as soon as I saw that little one swimming around in there.
The heartbeat was cool, but not emotional to me–Jerry and I shared a fist pump. That was about it.
But the first sonogram, unreal.

I was waiting for that moment to come, that first sense that some supernatural love was already growing. To be honest, I was fearful it wouldn’t come, fearful that my selfishness would supersede it.
But then I saw that little one.
And it all changed.

6 comments

1 Kim { 02.24.13 at 6:21 pm }

Could you look any more gorgeous? So so so excited for you!

2 noche { 02.24.13 at 6:39 pm }

I concur Kim!!!! Happy Grandparenting to me!

3 k&c's mom { 02.24.13 at 9:58 pm }

So happy for you! I am crazy ready to have my grandson here. Glad to walk this journey at the same time as you are traveling yours.

4 scott allenby { 02.24.13 at 10:03 pm }

So excited for you guys! Parenting is a whole new world, and yes, it has shown me how selfish I am/was, but at the same time allowed me to see first hand how love can multiply and how my priorities all of a sudden seem so unimportant. You and Jerry are going to be awesome parents and we can’t wait to see you grow in that role in the coming years!

5 Lindsey (Allenby) { 02.24.13 at 10:09 pm }

I second what my handsome husband says above! :) You guys are going to be AMAZING parents. And yes, if you have children like ours, sleep will not be your friend for a few years (although I know of many other parents who have great sleepers for children and I always secretly hate them a little bit!) but somehow you survive and it’s all completely worth it when you’re holding that little person that you created in your arms! Aghhh! I can’t wait to see you guys experience all this! So happy for you!

6 erica { 02.26.13 at 10:26 am }

yay! i keep waiting for these updates. Eventhough I see you, it still makes me excited when you announce it. Remember that it isn’t hard (birth is fun— with an epidural offcourse haha), it gets more and more fun each day and we will be right down the road so you can have some “jerome/lisa time” any time! can’t wait!

Leave a Comment