The Casting Dock

searching for vision. and authenticity.

What do I want out of this blog?

What am I looking for and what’s my objective?

I’m not sure.

When I first started this back in the fall of 2010, I was pretty much unemployed and looking to fill some time while my husband and all my friends were off being grown ups. I wanted a place to process and share glimpses of my life in (freakin’ freezing) New England, but I mostly wanted to share my journey of being more faithful and faith-filled. I wanted to put into practice the discipline of casting bread–offering up what I have in the assurance of faith that God will bring it back to me, oftentimes in a fuller, more rewarding way than I could have possibly imagined.

It was meant to be a scrapbook of my attempt at faithfulness and, more importantly, God’s abundant response to a meager offering. It really hasn’t been that lately. It’s been mostly just a scrapbook in the traditional sense–I did this on this holiday; we went here; I made that.

I don’t mind the traditional scrapbook. I like it, in fact. And I certainly think there’s a place for it. It’s a fun documentation of daily life and it’s particularly nice for family and friends who live far away. But I don’t want it to be solely, or even primarily, a cataloging of what I did on different dates. I want it to have some meat, some depth, some soul even. I want to get back to my original purpose of faithfulness and offering, but I also want something else, something more, and I’m not really sure what.

I want to strike a good internet authenticity balance.

It’s hard to be truly authentic on here. Mostly because I’m not just dealing with my own life. Even though they may be my fingers punching the keys, my words will affect others. My thoughts, my perspectives, my struggles seldom occur in isolation.

No man is an island, as they say.

So I am cautious of what I write sometimes. Cautious of sharing what I really want to share out of sensitivity and respect to others. Cautious of writing something that I haven’t expressed to the person it concerns directly, even if it’s cloaked in anonymity.

I think about family a lot. A very, very LOT. My own family; my future family; the idea and intention of family; families who’ve done it well; families I would tweak; family, family, FAMILY.

You get the picture.

I’ve thought about writing my own story on here. Explaining my family, my history, what I’ve observed, what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve learned. I think my family is a fascinating case study. The personalities, the choices, the repercussions, all of it. But then I realize that some of my family reads this blog and all of them could.

And if I’m being honest, there are things I would like to say as I process it all out that I’ve never said to certain members of my family, topics that haven’t actually been broached.

And that just doesn’t seem wise.

Even for topics that have been broached, I tend to think my family may not like having my thoughts out there in the open. Public. Available for consumption.

Again, no man is an island.

It’s not just my life. It all happened with many others around me. Others with different perspectives, different conclusions. After all, stories involve many characters.

So family feels mostly off limits. True, authentic family talk anyway. Not the happy stuff. That’s fair game obviously.

Jerry asked me the other day, when I was bemoaning the fact that I don’t feel I can be truly authentic and share what I want to share because I am so hyper sensitive to my readers, why it was so important to me to share it online. I understand being a written processor, he said, but why not write it out in a journal? Sift through the really personal stuff involving others and then just bring your insights to the public arena to share. Why do you need to do it online?

And honestly, I don’t really know. For whatever reason, there is an appeal to the sense of community for me, of feeling that we are all travelers on a common journey. And it is just that: a journey. I don’t just want to share the insights found at the end. I want to share the journey because that’s where the growth and the grime happens. And that’s where people can relate, connect, empathize, and encourage.

But how do you sensitively and authentically share the journey, your own journey, when it inevitably involves so many others?

I’m not sure what that looks like just yet.

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1 comment

1 Rhonda Burns { 01.12.12 at 1:29 pm }

Lisa, I totally understand. I have struggled with the same thing which is one of the reasons (beyond my annoying habit of inconsistency) I stopped writing on my blog. I wanted to write something that mattered. Sometimes it could be processing family situations and other times about the journey God has me on. I believed that maybe what I had to say could help someone else in their struggles and what people comment could help me in mine. I also express myself better in written word than verbal communication so it was a way for people to peek into my tiny little world and both laugh and cry with me. I am confident you will find a way that works for you without compromising the privacy of those you love. Just keep writing!

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