The Casting Dock

medieval anxiety (really just anxious me in a castle)

Ugh. Anxiety. I loathe it. I really think feeling anxious ranks (high!) on the Worst Feelings in the World list. It’s so nebulous, just lingering there all around you, yet indistinct. There’s no clear remedy to vanquish it and oftentimes (for me) I can’t even specifically pinpoint what is causing it. It just comes rushing through me like a pulsating wave. I’m a very rational person so an emotional torrent of any kind, when it occasionally comes, is generally a little odd and potentially uncomfortable, but when it comes in the form of anxiety, it downright sucks. It’s paralyzing really.

I am so, so, so thankful that I am not a more anxious person by nature. Generally speaking, I’m pretty easy going and laid back. I don’t get stressed particularly easily and I’m not a worrier, but I always get anxious when new things are starting. I think that’s pretty common over-all–it makes sense, and I like things that make sense. But occasionally I feel overwhelmed by anxiety for no good reason. It’s just there. And as many times as I tell myself all cool, calm, and collected, “This is irrational. There is no reason to feel anxious right now,” it just doesn’t help. (Blast those moments when my rational mind can’t supersede my emotional flailing about.)

So for whatever (bleepin’) reason I feel super anxious about starting back at my job in a couple weeks. It really makes NO sense because I LOVE my job and I’ve been there for 3 months or so already so it’s not a completely new experience, but a huge part of me is dreading it. I don’t fully know why…I think it’s something about the long summer gap and the reality that I have only been there 3 months so it’s not completely familiar yet either and the fact that I have checked off ZERO items from my “Summer to-do list for school year prep.” Yeah, that’s a big one. I don’t like feeling unprepared. But I just can’t seem to bring myself to actually sit down with that list and chip away at it. It feels too overwhelming and therefore paralyzing. And the more time that passes, the more that foreboding grows (vicious little cycle). The reality is though that I do still have 2 more weeks and if I felt more prepared, I think I would feel less anxious. So basically, it just comes down to the fact that I need to stop dreading it and start doing it.

This is my little self-pep-talk that I’ve been needing for a while. Thanks for listening to the rant.

And these are some (wholly unrelated) pictures from our trip to Hammond Castle this weekend…just cause a post with no pictures is boring and also because I wanted to share some, but I got tired of the “here’s what I did this weekend” post.

5 comments

1 Noche { 08.16.11 at 12:04 pm }

I always feel a bit anxious at the beginning of a new school year. It makes no sense since I’ve been doing this for a long time. However, once I get started back (teacher in-service) and get prepared for the onslaught of students my anxiety subsides.
So once you delve into some school work I think the anxiety will be replaced with a rush of ideas to implement this school year. Sooo…get to work…he, he

2 Noche { 08.16.11 at 12:05 pm }

The castle looks cool

3 k&c's mom { 08.16.11 at 11:27 pm }

And P.S.: Noche and I are at inservice together again. Finally.

4 Terri { 08.20.11 at 6:24 pm }

I am like your mom, anxious at the beginning of the school year my entire life. What to wear (that Patti won’t make fun of), will the kids be nice to me, and the most important…who will sit at my lunch table? Really, no joke.
Hang in there! Sending hugs from Atlanta.

5 Lisa { 08.21.11 at 7:22 pm }

Thanks for the encouragement ladies! It legitimately makes me feel better to know this is common, even for people (and veryyyy outgoing people) who have been in education for yours. I do also remember one of my favorite college professors telling me that she gets nervous at the beginning of every year, even though she’s BRILLIANT and a fabulous prof! I’m sure it will be a WONDERFUL year!

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