The Casting Dock

Great Moments in Bryan’s Commenting

Alright, so I know full well that this post will be amusing to no one save my mother, my brother Adam, my husband, and perhaps one or two other family members/close friends who know my brother Bryan in real life, but I couldn’t help myself. My apologies to everyone else. I recommend just leaving now and saving yourself the next 3 minutes of your life. Seriously.

I got the following email a few days ago from Bryan:

I’ve saved a draft of my greatest hits for your perusal.

I think there are three rules for having a great life.
One of these is to amuse yourself.
I can’t tell you the other two yet.

But I am, by a margin, my favorite commenter on TheDock.
No dis to no other playas. But I just brings it harder.

Peace,
B

So I log in to my blog and find this draft of Bryan’s favorite comments from himself on my blog. WHO DOES THIS??!!?? Only him. Now I love my eldest brother something fierce and I know I am biased in gauging his comic ability. I have always been a very generous laugher with him and Adam. I find them irrationally funny. Love clouds, I suppose? Or maybe it’s a mere exposure thing. Anyway, for anyone interested in Bryan’s favorite comments from himself over the past 15ish months, his list is below.

Some of them will make no sense without the context of the post (I think it’s better that way though) and some of them never made sense in the first place (my favorite kind). Either way, here they are (#10 is my favorite all-time comment…props Bryan):

1.

Thanks for the insight into your job. I liked reading about it. Your job does sound like a good challenge. I don’t know if it’s my kind of challenge, but I think you’re well suited for it and glad you are enjoying it so.

I especially don’t envy you for the paperwork, but I guess that’s just part of the bargain. Also, I would not be one of the people asking ‘what problems could they have?’… I know a lot of elementary students, and they are terrifically disturbed. I don’t doubt you’ve got a workload!

2.

…if I don’t become dictator of the land, I’ll take up video games.

3.

all of your friends are photogenic, i think. they are like the friends on Friends. Steph Acker, if I remember your old facebook page, was always one your ‘interests’. She’s the cutest thing around.

Also, I think Steph Acker is a cool name. Lisa Logan is pretty cool too. That is such a roll of the dice. I mean, getting married. People meet fall in love get married forget punctuation rules. But they don’t make these decisions based on their future husband’s last name. It’s just luck. Some girls get Logan. Some girls get Vanderslice. Ya know?

Steph Acker… if you get married, i hope it is to a dude named Acker. (make sure there’s no relation.) and then you can maintain your cool name. Like those Kelly Hillebrands from Good Morning America. Cept not quite cuz there probably aren’t any men named Steph Acker, but there could be, like a black stephon acker, like stephon marbury or stephen curry, and they go by steph… so that’s possible.

In any event, I hope steph meets a nice Acker and settles down.

4.

You don’t follow the Alexej blog? Why should Alexej follow you, yes? I think you have your principles all wrong if you think Alex will follow you with you not being able to follow his writings. That is all

5.

That looks like a nice wedding…

you’re really getting good with the photos or maybe it’s the camera… if i get married, will you be the photographer? it’d be a real treat if you took the photos for me. Also, i want to change my last name to Logan. it’s really growing on me. though if i do, people who meet you through me in the future will assume that either Jerry is my brother or that he took his wife’s last name… those would be inaccuracies. You know how I hate inaccuracy. Drats! Perfectly good idea ruined!

*Why is drats underlined in red. Drats? Is that not a word, like a comic bubble word at least?

6.

Just think, someday you’ll be helping people just like this pick the college that’s right for them!

Tangent… I’ve been thinking of just getting in the car and driving to Monterrey. They say the road is lawless, though. Still only 6-7 hours away. Can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I live 6hrs from Monterrey. I’ve never been to Mexico. Do you think that Juarez and the near-interior roads get a bad rap? I mean State keeps issuing warnings to Americans that if they want to stay alive AND travel that they book a trip somewhere not through a Mexican border town. But that’s probably all hype.

The other thing and maybe your worldly blog readers can help me here… How come Mexican cities don’t have nicknames? Is that only an American thing? Almost every one of our top 20 has a nickname. Emerald City, Beantown, Tinseltown, Big Apple. Is there a nickname for Juarez but it’s only known to Mexicans? What is the nickname for Monterrey? Don’t-Drive-to-Us-City, Take-a-Flight-ville? I dunno.

It’s a rambler. Seriously, I could have a topo chico in Monterrey and be back before the end of the weekend. Probably not smart though… Where would I get pesos on a weekend, right?

7.

This is such an interesting topic, Lisa. You are getting pretty bold. The main problem for me is that as I get older it gets harder to keep up with the current sexy magazine gals. Who is considered sexy right now? Megan Fox, ok. I can’t think of anyone else. So I am not totally sure what is the current definition of sexy, as defined by society through the media.

Sexy doesn’t last all that long usually. I know that I am less sexy than I once was. (Some will argue this point, but, come on, there has clearly been some slippage.) When I was a big media consumer and watched TV shows, the top models were Cindy Crawford, Elle McPherson, Tyra Banks, Claudia Schiffer, etc. I don’t think any of those women are working as models anymore and it’s only been like 10 or 15 years…

But, just as Tyra Banks has expanded her offerings into television, I too have adapted to compensate for my loss of sexiness. The main tactic I employ is innovating new social trends and slangs. This gives me prestige and status that makes my diminished sexiness unnoticeable.

I use this equation:

Appeal = Sexy + Status

Me, 2002: Sexy = 10, Status = 0; Appeal is 10.
Me, 2011: Sexy = 9.99 Status = 0.01; Appeal still 10.

As you can see, I am still a catch with no quantifiable drop off in market value.

8.

you’re really good at picnic or whatever it is… I love what you’ve done with pics. OMG!

9.

One last thing. When I mentioned ’94, I was referencing the most influential film of that year, especially for young cinephiles. This movie featured another line that caught my fancy at the time, a line I later adapted for my own purposes. Perhaps there are others that recall it. Here’s the line…

Spoken like a true prodigy. How about you, Lash LaRue? You think you can keep your spurs from jinglin’ and janglin’?

Can’t believe that was 17 years ago.

10.

I envy you. Looks like that great scene in Star Trek: Generations where Picard is reunited with his family inside the Nexus but realizes, with Guinan’s help, that he’s inside an alternate reality existing outside the space/time continuum and therefore not bound to temporal laws and conditions. This, of course, forces Picard to make a decision as to whether or not to return to normal space/time and, naturally, at what point in the continuum he should make this re-entry considering that his goal of stopping Soran from launching the rocket that destroys the Veridian star will be difficult for him to accomplish on his own. This leads to the film’s great decision, one of the most critical in all of the Trek canon, wherein Picard decides he needs Capt. Kirk’s help. They meet and join forces to attempt to save the Veridian system from certain destruction at the hands of the madman Dr Soran.

I doubt I need to go on. The parallels are pretty clear.

End.

**editor’s note from Lisa: I’m sending my camera to be fixed on Monday. Once I get it back, my blog should be colorfully brought back to life.

4 comments

1 Bryan { 02.11.12 at 3:07 pm }

Others might aggregate their best comments given the opportunity. But theyd need the secret pass code to get into the admin panel of your site. Luckily for me, you told me what is was. Ha.

Also, are you following this jeremey lin of the Knicks thing? Most points by a player in first four NBA starts since the creation of the modern NBA after the merger with the old ABA well over 30 yrs ago. 89 pts, 4 games. Crazy.

2 Noche { 02.11.12 at 6:41 pm }

You are right Lise…Bryan’s Mother enjoyed every comment, some causing me to laugh out loud. I’m waiting for a comment from Jerome…I love when he and Bry banter back and forth….such good witty writers are they.

3 k&c's mom { 02.11.12 at 11:49 pm }

I was just mentioning to the Noche how much I enjoyed the comments in this blog–almost, just almost, as much as the blog. Bryan: you have your own private fan club with in the comment section of this blog. If Lisa ever monitizes the site, you should receive a large cut of the profit.

4 Craig W { 02.13.12 at 12:41 pm }

I love it when people say “monetize”. (I guess I’m a fan of some of the comments, too.)

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