The Casting Dock

Deja vu all over again (Guest Blogger)

(Preface from Lisa: This is Jerry posting again–that awesome husband of mine who I throw under the bus, laugh insensitively at, and share too much personal [and yes, embarrassing] information about via this public forum. Oh yeah, and sometimes I praise and appreciate him too. Sometimes.)

This is beginning to be a real problem. You all thought I was joking when I said that we could stop world hunger if we just kept Nic Cage from making movies and used the budgets for social good instead. And I was–sort of. My main points were that 1) the amount of money allotted to predictably terrible “art” is astounding, and 2) Nic Cage sucks lately.

Well, if you needed more proof, here it is. I give you the preview for Season of the Witch, Cage’s latest “piece de resistance” that opens in theaters today:

If you scrolled past the clip without watching, do me a favor. Just click play and listen to literally the first 26 seconds. This will take you through Cage’s first line in the trailer and tell you all you need to know about the rest of the movie.

“And fewer still will believe.” I’m guessing Cage had a clause in his contract that prohibited multiple takes of any of his scenes.

Maybe Cage thinks his charity work is keeping movie critics employed: they’re already circling this one like a pack of sharks at a blood drive. The film is making waves on Rotten Tomatoes, where its composite rating from critics currently sits at 4% [Editor’s note: in the time it took Jer to write this post, the score has already dropped to 3%].  That score would stand as Cage’s lowest rated film yet on the website, that is if you don’t count Deadfall, a 1993 flick which scored 0% but only included the reviews of five critics.

Why keep making these movies, and making them without an ounce of shame by all appearances? Because, for some reason, they absolutely EXPLODE in foreign markets. According to the always reliable Wikipedia, Season of the Witch had a $40 million budget, most of which was covered by pre-release distribution sales outside of the U.S. Cage’s movies bomb here and then make out like gangbusters overseas.

What’s my point? I don’t know, really. Mostly I think I am just looking for reassurance that I’m not taking crazy pills. When I saw this latest preview a few days ago, I hijacked Lisa’s blog for today in order to sound my frustrations and seek comfort from the masses. But if Cage’s movies teach us anything other than the fact that money makes people do stupid things, it’s that humans are different. For some reason, consumers in certain foreign markets dig Cage, to the point that I would call him not just a beneficiary of globalization but perhaps more so an agent. I don’t agree that beauty is strictly in the eye of the beholder, but apparently entertainment is.

5 comments

1 Lisa { 01.07.11 at 11:26 am }

HA, great follow-up Jer! I love that it only got 4, oh no wait, 3% on rotten tomatoes.

He is SO terrible. Repeatedly. I mean, the movies are terrible, but he is just terrible in them.

WHY DO THE ASIAN COUNTRIES LOVE HIM?!?!?!?!!!!???!?! The inconceivable and unexplainable fact that they do comforts me when I think of them intellectually overtaking us…if there’s one chink in their intellectual armor, there might be more…

2 Noche { 01.07.11 at 6:30 pm }

Comfort from the Noche:
Peggy Sue Got Married…the one Nicholas Cage movie I enjoyed. Even in that movie I thought he had a weird voice, but Peggy Sue (aka Kathleen Turner) made it work.
Maybe he should join the ranks of the farmers who get paid to not grow certain foods. The Asian countries could fund the project.

3 k&c's mom { 01.08.11 at 11:47 am }

I was looking through the movie section today (before I saw this blog post) and saw a print ad for “Season of the Witch”. My first thought was: I cannot take Nicolas Cage seriously in ANYTHING. I’m sure this is an action thriller, but the expression on his face in the ad made me laugh. Raising Arizona and Moonstruck from the 80s comprised his Glory Days.

4 Jer { 01.08.11 at 1:04 pm }

UPDATE FROM ROTTEN TOMATOES:
“Season of the Witch” is now at 1% on the critics’ tomatometer. This means that of the 70 reviews compiled on the website, 1 is positive and 69 are negative. I’m not good at math, but that’s bad. REAL bad.

5 bryan { 01.08.11 at 4:09 pm }

Another good entry from the Casting Dock’s most prolific guest poster!

I heard the Witch movie is not merely terrible but trainwreck terrible, that there is some entertainment to be had in simply taking in the catastrophe. Of course, that’s no reason to see it… but still an accomplishment of sorts.

I wonder if the Asians are into witches? They definitely like blue aliens…

I just looked at the page on boxofficemojo for this Witch film… the main thing I noticed is that it is not an A-list endeavor. Its distributor is a newer outfit that I’ve never heard of called Relativity — not exactly Paramount, ya know. Also, as you mentioned, the whole budget is a mere $40M. I’m sure Nic took $15-20 of that for his appearance… that doesn’t leave a lot of cash in the tank to actually make a movie. In fact, if you try to make an “A-list” looking movie for 20-25 million you are nearly assured of ending up with exactly what they ended up with… a movie that gets worst-ratings-ever on a site like rottenT.

I heard some time ago about Cage’s financial problems which I suspect are a good bit of the reason for his taking crap jobs. Hopefully, he’s almost out of the red. I hope he makes it into black ASAP… then he can stop headlining in Relativity Media productions about evil witches.

http://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=seasonofthewitch.htm

Leave a Comment