The Casting Dock

A showdown

There is a battle going on in the Logan household today.  A showdown, if you will, of epic proportions.

On one side, standing 5 feet, 5 inches tall, weighing in at 130 pounds from Austin, TX, the feisty and determined (though sometimes lacking that pesky little thing called will-power) Lisa Logan.

On the other side, standing roughly 2 inches tall, weighing in at just over an ounce from New York City (yes, I googled its origins…lay off me), we have the tasty, though deceptively addictive oreo (what?? you thought I was talking about Jerry…just cuz he’s the only other living thing in my household doesn’t make him the only obvious choice…).

The oreo and I have had a sordid history.  As people always say when things go awry, it’s complicated. We’ve had years of an on-and-off relationship, binging on the goodness of one another’s company during the peaks and remaining completely abstinent in the valleys.  I have learned that for my own emotional sanity, it’s better that I stay away.  One whiff of that sugary-sweet scent and one taste of that chocolatey, though oh-so-creamy crunch leaves me ravenous for more.  My hunger becomes insatiable and my mind raptured by the thought of acquiring more. My heart-rate quickens and what started as an innocent curiosity to experience that which once held such delight…

quickly becomes a voracious quest of glutonnous and unquenchable consumption.

Today the oreo and I are going head-to-head yet again.  I can’t say I’m impressed by my track record to date. In fact, yesterday I was bested 0-5.  I don’t even want to talk about the day before that.  I was caught in a moment (read: week) of weakness, defenseless to resist her enchanting allure and faithful tastiness.

(insert oreos for french fries in this clip and that’s pretty much an accurate portrayal of our love affair)

But today I am feeling a fierce discipline and a renewed allegiance to my cause.  My mind is clear and calculating and my guard is held high and strong. I will no longer be enslaved to the fancies and whim of the delightful little black and white cookie.  It is time for me to regain (or maybe just gain…) control over this relationship, to define it on my terms.  It is time for the valley of our relationship once again, a time of imposed distance and intentional lack of contact.  Clearly we can’t just be friends, and being lovers has proven unhealthy for both of us (ok, really just for me), so it’s time to just end it: a clean break, not one of those soft, somewhat crumbly breaks that happens when the oreo hits the cold milk and submerges halfway down…then it pauses for a second to let the milk really seep into every little crevice before emerging softened and infused with additional creamy flavor only to strike my pursed lips and salivating-in-expectation taste buds before crumbling…mmmm…so good (seriously S-O, G-double-O-D goodaaaaand, I might be drooling just a little…).  Yeah, so I need a clean break.  Obviously. Time to regain my power. Lisa vs. the oreo(s), round too-many-(and-too-shameful)-to-count.  I need one victory in my corner. Today is the day.

4 comments

1 Rhonda { 11.09.10 at 8:05 pm }

Well written and comically astute! It is a battle all human kind must fight but few experience true victory. We are there in the trenches with you Lisa. We find ourselves lurking behind the wall that leads to the residence of the enemy as it beckons us to come and partake of its chocolaty goodness. We must all resist! Lead the way and we will follow!

2 Bryan { 11.09.10 at 8:59 pm }

Whatever you’ve been doing, I say keep doing it. You say you’re 130 lbs so you must handling things well enough. I like the pictures of the cookies in this one.

3 k&c's mom { 11.10.10 at 4:11 am }

Have you considered Milano cookies instead?
Loved this post, Lisa!

4 noche { 11.10.10 at 12:48 pm }

Hysterical today and oh so well written. I was unaware of your battle with the tiny black & white demons. We all have them, you know. They come in such an array of shapes, colors, packages lurking around every corner. Remember…one day at a time, one victory at a time!!!

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