The Casting Dock

a letter from a disgruntled neighbor.

Dear He Who Shall Not Be Named,

And no, I’m actually not talking about Lord Voldemort.

I would say I’m not that nerdy to actually write a letter to a fictional villian (from a kid’s wizarding book, nonetheless) on my blog, but we all know that’s not true. In fact, I award you one Schrute-buck

if you did assume I was speaking of Voldemort because 1. I am just that nerdy, 2. Harry Potter is awesome, 3. it means that you know He Who Shall Not Be Named is synonymous with Voldemort which therefore means you are a fellow Potter-enthusiast…or at the very least are Potter-literate, and 4. Schrute-bucks are essentially worthless so it wouldn’t cost me anything anyways.

Anyhow, it’s not about Voldemort or Schrute-bucks, so I really need to hop off my Potter/I-am-Office-obsessed horse here and carry on.

Let’s try this again:

Dear He Who Shall Not Be Named,

You smoke pot in our apartment building. Given the age of this house, as you might imagine there are many cracks and crevices for various odors, such as your pot fumes, to seep through and diffuse into the rest of the inhabitants’ living spaces. Our little apartment’s fortifications have held these foul forces at bay rather admirably; but, when I step into the hallway and head down the staircase, I am reminded that these once neutral territories are now under your sway. And sadly, I am quickly disabused of the fanciful notion that I am actually inhaling nice, clean air. Please go assault someone else’s castle. There is only one Pot-man I welcome here. His name is Harry and he is The Chosen One. Thanks.

12 comments

1 jd { 04.26.11 at 8:45 am }

What!!! That’s hilarious. Is that your building?

2 jenna { 04.26.11 at 8:48 am }

we have this same issue. can you just move into my building? that would solve all problems, methinks.

3 Nicole Puz { 04.26.11 at 9:11 am }

Hahha this is hilarious! Do you want me to deliver it to them dressed up as Lord Voldemort? That might be fun!

4 Maggy { 04.26.11 at 9:50 am }

I may or may not have seen old Voldy on my blog roll and immediately clicked.
Hmm? What?

5 jd { 04.26.11 at 8:25 pm }

i also wanted to let you know that I’m currently reading Book 7 of the Potter series… and thoroughly enjoying it. after finishing book 6 i was convinced i could preach a gospel message to somebody entirely based on the Harry Potter story (up until book 6 at least). Very interested to see how things turn out.

6 whit { 04.26.11 at 8:35 pm }

if you can’t beat ‘em… join ‘em??

7 whit { 04.26.11 at 8:36 pm }

and i also find this post absolutely hilarious, point to lisa yet again.

8 bryan { 04.26.11 at 10:32 pm }

Wow. That’s annoying. I would hate to have to small pot smoke in my own apt building… Did the British royal couple get married? I am listening to Noche on the phone and she is on a rant. “That Kate Middleton…other than being anorexic and so skinny… she seems like she’s get her head on right. But, who knows. At least she’s set for life, but you never know. It’s like that Diana, remember… Oh she said something like ‘marriage only works… no, marriage doesn’t work when its between 3 people. Did you ever see The Queen? Oh, you should see it. That is one cold household. Helen Mirren. Oh, she… I think she won an Academy Award. That Tony Blair, when Michael was in England he said he had never seen anyone so charismatic. When we were, oh it was so expensive, but my favorite picture of Lisa is this one… she is standing next to a post…”

Noche on the phone. Brought to you by me.

Love ya noche!

9 Jer { 04.26.11 at 11:08 pm }

How did you get that picture of Voldemort?!?!? With that fixed lens of yours, you must have been right up in his grill! Risky…

Also, Voldemort’s list of illegal substances to abuse is shorter than the normal person’s given his lack of a nose, so maybe you should give him a break for choosing pot.

10 bryan { 04.26.11 at 11:36 pm }

Also, Voldemort’s list of illegal substances to abuse is shorter than the normal person’s given his lack of a nose, so maybe you should give him a break for choosing pot.

Hilarious…

Of course, with no nose he doesn’t have to smell his own smoke. Maybe that’s the appeal.

11 Julie Hodgson { 04.27.11 at 9:23 am }

When will Bryan be a guest blogger??

12 bryan { 04.27.11 at 4:57 pm }

Bryan tried to guest blog. He wrote an incoherent post at 4am and the experiment has not again been duplicated. :-)

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