The Casting Dock

Posts from — February 2013

the littlest logan: early thoughts along the way

In roughly 4 and 1/2 months Jerome and I will join the parenting club.
My heart races just a little bit even simply typing that.

I can’t say I’ve been solely stoked about the idea since the moment we found out.
It took some warming-up-to time.

I took a pregnancy test on November 6.
Negative.
I took another on November 12.
Positive.
It was surreal; I was shocked.
I thought FOR SURE it would take a while to get pregnant, not a couple weeks.
I’ve heard too many stories, known of too many troubles.
I had gone back and forth on whether I wanted to give it a shot and was swinging back to the “let’s wait a little longer” side when that little double line popped up.

Even though I was shocked and overwhelmed, I was mostly relieved in the moment. Relieved that I could get pregnant, relieved that there weren’t major troubles or years of questions and frustrations.
But I did feel a little, half-legitimately, half for show, that my life was ending. All my freedom and sleep out the window.
More than anything, I think I realized just how selfish I am,
how much I enjoy my own schedule, my own time table, my own control.
Something tells me this whole parenting thing is going to be quite the growing, humbling experience.

While it’s been an evolution for sure, my feelings swung from anxiety to excitement
as soon as I saw that little one swimming around in there.
The heartbeat was cool, but not emotional to me–Jerry and I shared a fist pump. That was about it.
But the first sonogram, unreal.

I was waiting for that moment to come, that first sense that some supernatural love was already growing. To be honest, I was fearful it wouldn’t come, fearful that my selfishness would supersede it.
But then I saw that little one.
And it all changed.

February 24, 2013   6 Comments

so yeah, this is happening.

Yikes! We be all growed up now.

February 8, 2013   10 Comments